Monday, October 24, 2011

Retirement Scheme called R-A-P-E: Truly Hilarious

Because of economic slowdown, the management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as R-A-P-E (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be R-A-P-ED can apply to management to be eligible for the S-H-A-F-T scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been R-A-P-ED and S-H-A-F-T-ED will be reviewed under the S-C-R-E-W program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be R-A-P-ED once, S-H-A-F-T-ED twice and S-C-R-E-W-ED as many times as management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been R-A-P-ED can only get A-I-D-S (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or H-E-R-P-E-S (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have A-I-D-S or H-E-R-P-E-S will not be S-H-A-F-T-ED or S-C-R-E-W-ED any further by management. 

Persons who are not R-A-P-ED and are staying on will receive as much S-H-I-T (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of S-H-I-T it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough S-H-I-T, please bring to the attention of your supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the S-H-I-T you can handle.


15 Stock Investment Tips from Rakesh Jhunjhunwala

1. Always go against tide. Buy when others are selling and sell when others are buying.  2. If you believe in the growth prospects o...